Sever relationship with brother
Assalam o alaikum w.r.b
I am married with two children and I live in a joint family with my parents and brothers. My younger brother has been aggressive towards me and my wife for the last few years. About a year ago, we quarreled at home after which I stopped talking to to him. He has sworn my wife and has always been picky about everything related to us. We have tried to remain patient for the last ten years about his unabating rude attitude. I have even taken him on vacations, paid for his travel; I have been paying for his university fees but he has never uttered a word of gratitude no matter what have done for him. He has graduated from the university and is doing his own job.
It has been much peaceful since I stopped talking to him. Since the day I stopped talking to him, I have never had any stressful episodes with him and there has not been any incident of his aggressive attitude towards my wife.
Even though our life is much peaceful nowadays, my parents are not happy that I have stopped talking to my brother. They insist that I should resume my relationship with him and keep trying to appease him like what I have been doing for the last over ten years.
I am in a difficult situation and I am unable to decide what to do in this dilemma. I am more than certain that if I normalize my relationship with my brother, he will resort to his old behavior and will cause stress for me and my wife. Could you please guide me on what to do in the light of Sharia?
Assalāmualaykum Warahmatullāhi Wabarakātuhū
Hāmidan Wamuswalliyan
Al Jawāb Bi’ounillāh Wa’alayhi At-tuklān
The basic principle is that it is prohibited for a Muslim to forsake his fellow-Muslim unless there is a reason to allow it.
Analyzing your situation it is fair to keep distances from your younger brother, because of his heated attitude on trival issue.
However you should not severe your relationship with your brother, whenever you meet him, do greet him with the Islamic greetings and a cheerful face.
لاَ تَحْقِرَنَّ مِنَ الْمَعْرُوفِ شَيْئًا وَلَوْ أَنْ أَخَاكَ بِوَجْهٍ طَلْقٍ“
“Do not belittle any good deed, even meeting your brother with a cheerful face.” (Sahīh Muslim Book 45, Hadith 187)
Moreover no enmity, grudges or bitterness in your heart. Pray for his guidance and take out some Sadaqah. Guidance is purely in Almighty Allah’s hand, when Sayyidunā Ya’coub Alayhis Salām were informed about the mischieves of his sons, he said ” “I shall seek forgiveness for you by my lord”
Ulamā explain that the waiting period was to pray for his sons at Tahajjud time. You will be rewarded according to your behavior and Akhlāq. Your intention, efforts and good characters shall be your currency for the Ākhirah.
Allāh Ta’ālā knows best.
Muftī Mohammad Ashhad Bin Saeed Al Mahmūdy
Dāruliftaa Mahmoodiyyah Mauritius
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