I received some proposals for marriage but have an ‘obsession’ due to porn addiction
I have a past with pornography; but Alhamdulillah, now I have stopped watching porn. However, I have developped somewhat of an obssession to large bosoms.
I have reached the age of marriage and have received some proposals. However, considering my ‘obssession’, I am not really interested in a woman with ‘small bosoms’ and thus, I have not proceed with the proposals (i.e visit the girls’ family, make Istikhaarah and so on) – the proposals that I have received are in regards to girls that I already know, that’s why I know whether they are slim or fat; otherwise I ask whether the girl is slim or fat.
My question is: Should I ignore this ‘obssession’ and proceed with the proposals that I have received, or refuse the proposals and wait till I find a girl that I like? I don’t want to marry someone and then look at other girls after marriage due to not being satisfied with the woman that I married. However, it may also be that the Shaytaan is doing waswasa. Please advise ASAP.
Assalāmualaykum Warahmatullāhi Wabarakātuhū
Hāmidan Wamuswalliyan Al Jawāb Bi’ounillāh Wa’alayhi At-tuklān
Allah Ta’āla says,
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ [الروم: 21]
And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.
Allah Ta’āla describes the husband and wife as a garment for one another in the following verse.
هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَكُمْ وَأَنْتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَهُنَّ [ البقرة:187 ]
Your wives are garments for you and you are garments for your wives.
Garments are multi-purpose they cover the body, keep the body cool in the summer and provides warmth in the winter. Likewise, they are a source of beauty and chastity. If one does not look after his garments, he does not iron them and wash the stains, the garments will no longer serve the purpose of beauty, protection and warmth.
We have to also accept the fact that no two humans can make a perfect match. The attitude of zero defect is not possible nor practical. Total compatibility is almost impossible. They will always be situations wherein either one of you will have to compromise.
The husband and wife have to bond with one another psychologically, physically and spiritually.
You should not let your past addiction haunt you, Shaytān is there to deceive you. We advice you to refrain from Porn as you already did, and repent in remorse by having a firm intention not to return towards such immoral activities.
After you have done your Istikhārah and your elders have blessed you with your future partner, put aside all these Waswasah and seek Allah’s pleasure in your spouse.
Marital life should be the mean of building your Aakhirah and tranquility in this temporary world.
“May Almighty Allāh grant you a compatible spouse” Āmīn